Mar 26, 2010

Life As A Human Article: The Accidental Squatters


This is one of the many things I love about the west coast of Canada. We’re really not part of Canada at all. We pretend. We’re all Hockey!And Eh! and Yeah, winter TOTALLY SUCKS! With the snow…and the cold…BURR! But the rest of Canada, you should know something. We’re faking. We’re lying to your face. And my proof is that last weekend Andrea and I were lounging on a beach with our shoes and socks off. And not only were we too warm, but we got a little sun burnt.
I think so far in 2010 we’ve gotten about ten minutes of snow. March is actually a very confusing month for us, because we often look out the window and think THERE’S A BLIZZARD! But no, wait. It’s just the cherry blossoms playing in the warm breeze. PHEW!...[...read more]

Mar 21, 2010

Life As A Human Article: Welcome to My Brain


I am very impressionable. Seriously. My subconscious is a sponge. A super porous, extra absorbent sponge. If my brain were toilet paper, it would be Charmin Ultra. Actually, that’s a good analogy, considering the amount of crap my brain soaks up.

When I expose myself to a certain kind of media for extended periods of time, I start to think in that form. For example, if I read graphic novels I see my life in panels of images, and everyone has thought bubbles over their heads... [...read more]

Photo Credit: How to prepare the skull for surgery, brain exposed, c. 16th century © Brain Blogger – Flickr

Mar 14, 2010

Life as A Human Article: Me and My Laser Eyes

...When you're a shy, awkward little girl, the last thing you need is a big old pair of GLASSES on your face. And by big, I mean enormous. We’re talking the stylings of the late 80s – frames that took up half your face and made even the youngest of wearers look like old ladies half squinting/half glaring at everything. Add to this the braces and bad hair that came later and it's no wonder I was a social reject worthy of a John Hughes supporting cast role... [...read more]


Photo Credit: Cyclops Blasts From The Eyes © Dashu Pagias on Flickr. Some Rights Reserved.

Mar 11, 2010

Life As A Human Article: Pants Optional

I start to run, and at this exact moment I learn how un-nutritious my road trip diet of instant coffee and bread burnt over the flames of my little propane burner has been. My pants decide to make a break for it. I’m free!!! They don’t slide down my hips so much as leap off them, diving for the ground. I trip, I stumble (I don’t fall, by some miracle), I yank them back up, and do a sort of gimpy two-step back to the motel, one hand holding the waistband so tight and high I give myself a painful wedgie...[...read more]


Photo Credit: No Pants Dutchman © Wikicommons. Some rights reserved.

Mar 8, 2010

Life As A Human Article: Adventures in Snacking

How many jalapenos does one girl need?

To answer that question, let me take you back a few weeks. I was invited along to the movies by my friend Bev and her daughter, Aubrey. We buy our tickets, and then this conversation takes place:

Aubrey: Ohmygod, have you ever had jalapenos on popcorn?
Me: What?
Aubrey: It's sooo good.
Me: Nasty!
Aubrey: Awesome!
Me:
Aubrey: You have to try it.
Me: NEVER!
Aubrey: They're over here!
Bev: You can try some of mine...


Aubrey raided the condiment section of the snack bar and piled pickled jalapenos on top of her buttery bag of popcorn. Then Bev did the same.


As we walked away I heard a bored employee mutter Finally, something to do, as he moved to refill the decimated hot pepper supply...[...read more]



Photo CreditPopcorn Whoosh © Art Inspirations on Flickr

Mar 6, 2010

Life As A Human Article: Canada Reads. Do You?


In this mad world of technological gadgetry and sci-fi wonderment, I found myself falling head over heels for that old, simple broadcasting device. I'd always known it existed, but never really paid it much mind. Until a few years ago. I can't tell you specifically what happened. Something just...clicked, in my head, and there was no going back.
I could go on and on about the joys and marvels of the radio, and maybe I will one day. But not now. Today, gentle reader, I feel the need to wax poetic about one of my favouritest radio programs of all times.
It's called Canada Reads. And it's A.W.E.S.O.M.E. [...read more]

Mar 1, 2010

Life As A Human Article: It's Not Stalking if Everyone's Doing It

A few weeks ago my sister Melissa and I were on one of our dates. These usually involve beer and bad movies. I don’t mean bad like a John Travolta-produced movie (a little Battlefield Earth, anyone?) I mean the movies you know better than to like, but lovelovelove anyway (which for me includes A Knight’s Tale, Batman Forever and pretty much anything with Vin Diesel).

Our “dates” started after the whole Twilight-mania ignited a few years ago. We were trash talking everything about it (the movie, the books, the actors, the fans), and after our clever banter petered out, I said quietly, I kind of want to see it. To which Melissa sighed and said, Yeah, totally. [...read more]

Photo Credit: Man At Fridge © Flickr. Creative Commons. Some rights reserved.