Dec 31, 2009

My Tribute To Me In 2009

I'm pretty new to this whole blog thing. It seems like everyone is doing these year-in-review posts, and so far all I've seen has been very self absorbed drivel. Like the ten most important events of 2009 happened in anyone person's life. I'd be happy if something I did made it in the top million. That would mean I was in the hundredth percentile of the human race, which is like toping the ultimate Deans List. How cool would that be?

Still, I do like lists. And, apparently, writing about myself. So maybe this could work. Hey, if Dooce and Wil Wheaton can do it, so can I!

But then, all the interesting things I've done have already been explored through blog format. No sense beating a dead blog.

So instead, in no particular order, I give to you:

The Top 10 Things I Didn't Do (much of) In 2009.

1) Work. I quit my job at the end of May, so half of this year has been spent in blissful funemployment.

2) Get so drunk at office parties and spend the next day worrying if there's anyone I should avoid looking directly in the eye. Partially due to not working for half the year. But still, this is a big step for me.

3) Move far away. I tend to do this, especially after quitting a job spontaneously. Halifax, Whitehorse, Dusseldorf, all places I've picked up and gone to with the hopes that a new job will change my life. Okay, sure this time I quit my job and went to Ecuador, but that was just temporary. Although, if I had moved, I think I would have gone to either Ireland or Montreal. Or Newfoundland.

4) Get one rejection letter from a magazine, newspaper or literary journal. First time in years! Maybe this has something to do with me not submitting anything...bah, whatever.

5) Make any money off of my writing. Except for the $4.30 I've made from having AdSense on my blog. But Google will only pay me once I hit $100, so I've a ways to go before I see that fat cheque in my mailbox.

6) Find myself stranded far from home due to one of my crappy vehicles breaking down. Say, in Chilliwack. On the first day of my vacation. No, my van had the decency to break down in town, thank you. So much more convenient that way.

7) Buy a Mac product. This was really really hard. I didn't even know that I wanted a Macbook Pro or iTouch until I innocently wandered into an Apple store in Portland. But they were so shiny and fun, and everyone who worked there was so pretty and happy. Plus, NO TAX!. But, I resisted, and my bank account (not being replenished regularly due to the no working thing) is the better for it.

8) Attempt online dating. Every year I go through a phase where I think I can meet interesting people online. Then come a rash of embarrassing dates that reconfirm my faith in the beauty of drinking wine and watching reality tv ALONE. But not this year. Oh no.

9) Acquire a pet rabbit. Another very difficult exercise in self denial. Dad had so many of them, and they were so cute! I could have easily slipped one in my pocket and been halfway home before he noticed it was missing. My restraint proved fruitful, as I've learned that adult bunnies aren't nearly as cuddly and fun as the babies, and not turning Thumper into a pet means he's in my freezer, waiting to be stewed.

10) Watch Avatar. And I'm going to try to carrying this one forward into 2010. But I will admit to having seen, and loved, LOVED, 2012. Despite of John Cusack, who should have voluntarily ended his acting career in the 90s, right after filming Being John Malkovich. Have you seen trailers for his new movie? A time traveling hot tub that strands him in the 80s. Are you @#%&ing kidding me?

There you have it, a list of my non-achievements for 2009. Happy New Year everyone!


Matt said...

With interests like watching reality TV and drinking wine, it's probably for the best you don't try dating online. Your compatiblity will be off the charts!

Anonymous said...


I have now scrapped my resolutions.


Zac said...

I thought Cusack was good in _High Fidelity_ and _America's Sweethearts_, which were right after _Malkovich_, so I have to disagree with you on that point. Also _2012_ was easily the worst movie I've seen in years.

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