Nov 16, 2009

Hostel Weirdos

I'm staying at a hostel in Ashland (officially known as The Ashland Hostel). The town has a pretty famous Shakespeare festival that runs for a good chunk of the year, and apparently the hostel is just swinging when the plays are on. They stopped not too long ago, and now the place is dead. There's just me and Michael staying in this huge old house that can sleep up to 40. With no one else to get in the way I was able to quickly learn how weird Michael is.

It's not because he leaves every 4 seconds to stand across the street and smoke while staring in the front window of the hostel. Or that he ignores me most of the time and then suddenly comes right up to me and calls me Missy. No, it's mostly the odd things he says, totally out of the blue.

I saw Elvis in New York in 1976. Mister heart throb, fancy pants himself!

I met John Lennon! But, really, who hasn't?

While observing (but not helping) a hostel employee try to open a stuck door. - I studied precision mechanics in the military. Ok?! My last wage was $26 an hour!...This has got me beat.

And then when the employee tried to open the door using a credit card - Hold on! I'm a master at that one. If I wanted to be a thief, I could be a billionaire! (It didn't work)

Laughing at these reminded me of a funny conversation I took part in while staying at a hostel in Ecuador. I had written it down, so this is pretty much word for word. Anyone else find this amusing in an awkward sort of way?

These two brothers were sitting at a table behind me playing rummy. At one point they started talking about how much it might cost to fly to the Galapagos. Having just returned from there, I piped up:

Me: Not to eavesdrop, but it's $400 to fly from here.
Guy 1: One way, or round trip?
Me: Round trip. (Pause...I'm looking at some old photos on my computer...)
Guy 1: To move the eavesdropping to you, when were you in Vegas?
Me: Last Christmas. (Pause) And that's not really eavesdropping. It's more just looking over my shoulder.
Guy 1: It's kind of live eavesdropping.
Me: A silent kind. (Pause) It's totally worth going, if you can afford it.
Guy 1: Yeah, I was in Vegas last weekend.
Me: I meant the Galapagos.
Guy 1: Oh.
Me: But Vegas is fun too.
Guy 1: I think I'll skip it this time. If I'm going to the Galapagos I'd like to have a woman and some money.
Me: You can go with friends. That's what I did.
Guy 1: Yeah, but if I'm going to spend all that money, I want to get naked.
Me: Ah.
Guy 1: A lot.
Me: I see.
Guy 1: And if I did that with my brother, it would just be weird.
Me: ...It probably would be...
Guy 1: People would ask me 'How were the Galapagos?' And I'd say 'I don't want to talk about it!'
Me: ....
Guy 2: Stop. Just stop now.

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